


Don't get mad, get even!

by AceSpaceButterFace



Category: Batman - All Media Types
Genre: Comic Book Violence, Gen, Joker gets a facefull of Bat, M/M, Minor Injuries, Murder, They both hate eachother but ain't gonna watch the other become asphalt pancake, based on fanart, match made in hell
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-12
Updated: 2017-06-12
Packaged: 2018-11-13 10:18:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,684
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11183043
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AceSpaceButterFace/pseuds/AceSpaceButterFace
Summary: A volatile explosive causes Joker and Batman to plummet to their deaths. Not ready to watch eachother fatally encounter a faceful of asphalt, they have to work together to survive the downfall.





	Don't get mad, get even!

**Author's Note:**

> Everyone has been so sweet and encouraging to me in the last fic I posted and a dear friend of mine encouraged me even further.   
> I am still the worst of trash and I am really sorry, because this is crap. But to everyone, thank you.   
> Sorry if it doesn't make sense, even if it made sense to me at the time.

It felt nothing like flying at all.  He had always wondered if falling and flying were similar, turns out there was a huge difference as the both of them plummeted off the edge from the force of a volatile explosive. It had been so loud it made Joker's ears bleed and the gleaming lenses in batman's cowl had cracked. There were the tiniest of things he noticed in mid air. The Joker was falling first, back to the ground watching the bat fall after him like some flying beast in the night. 

But there was no taking flight as the grappling hook had been blown right out of Batman's hand. 

 

Somehow it felt like a small comfort that if he was going to die, they would both die together like he had always predicted. He had only hoped the both of them would leave a prettier corpse than a gory pancake smeared across the asphalt. 

As if on queue, Batman would never cease to foil Joker's plans up until the very end. 

 

Strong arms wrap around his chest so tight that the Joker can barely breathe and for a moment, this embrace seem to make them fall faster to their final destination. He didn't know that was so eager for them both to punch in their ticket into the great afterlife and he hated not knowing. 

 

Sirens were blaring in the distance and helicopter had started circling above like hungry vultures and he found himself holding tighter onto the bat against his better judgement. 

 

"Any clever ideas, bats?" he shouted over the blood roaring in his ears and he didn't even have the lung capacity to howl with laughter at the adrenalin rushing through his body. 

 

"Yeah... Just one"

Batman pressed the soles of his boots into the joker's gut, almost sending the clown flying to what might have been a safe crash landing onto a disappearing roof, but the clown clung on tighter to the masked vigilante as his eyes flickered over the bat's face. He could see the stern lines on the man's face as he seemed to try to cope with the fact that they were both shooting like a speeding bullet down to their death. 

 

It almost seemed by sheer chance and luck that their fall went for a screaming halt as Joker's arm shot out to hook around the thick, granite neck of a gargoyle as they swooped past, his arm making a sickening crunch and pop as he stopped the massive bulk of batman from falling any further. 

 

The clown practically shook from the tension and strain of keeping them both from falling with a badly dislocated shoulder and over 200 pounds of muscled batman dangling from his arm like a horrifying christmas ornament. 

 

"You see, bats, the things with your ideas is that they are always terrible and you always let the bad guy win. But I can do you one better, so how about you listen to good ol' Uncle Jay and we'll both live. Now how's that sound, darling?"

 

"Just...Just get us out of here" Batman roared over the sound of a approaching chopper, by the rain of bullets they opened up, it was pretty likely that there weren't journalists in those helicopters. 

 

"I didn't hear you say 'please', batsy" the joker snickered, trying to get a better grip around the statue. 

 

"JOKER!" the vigilante's voice boomed so loudly, Joker swore he heard it rattle like an echo inside his skull, sending a shiver down his spine as he tried to hoist himself and the bat up. 

It felt damn near impossible to pull the entire dead weight of a man twice his size straight up, but he wasn't about to let batman fall. If the big fool were to die by his hand it would be brutal, but most of all it would be funny. Something one could laugh at like an age old joke. 

 

“Fine! Fine! Don’t get your damn codpiece in a bunch” Joker groaned breathlessly as he hoisted his leg up over the gargoyle, so he sat astride the monster before bending down to grab the bat by the back of the belt to hoist him up.    
Joker swore and ground his teeth until he could taste blood as he inched the man closer to the gargoyle until the bat’s arm shot up to grab him around the back of Joker’s neck, then the other, holding on tight as he hoisted himself up behind the clown with ease.    
  
“Whoever feeds you deserves to get shot, bats. What do you have in your diet? Lead?”   
  
“Shut up and keep moving!” Batman hissed as bullets zoomed past their ears. Trying to get up without losing his balance was no easy task and he wouldn’t count on the bat to have his back if he did. But a unsteady step backwards and two firm hands on his hips told him that tonight, batman did.    
  
Raising his arms out from his sides in a theatrical gesture, the Joker started tiptoeing over the rock formations making up the old building. He was tempted to do a pirouette to see just how the bat would react, but for once his sense of reason had caught up with him as he slithered from stone to stone effortlessly before landing on all fours on a balcony, laughing gleefully at having solid ground under his feet again.    
  
“Try to keep up before you get shot, why don’t you, bats” Joker called out before hissing in discomfort as he prodded at his dislocated shoulder.    
  
“You were saying?” the gruff voice close to his ear sent tremors down the clown’s spine, and it barely took him less than a second to face the bat with a gun pointed straight at the vigilante’s nose.    
  
“Tsk, tsk, tsk” Joker tutted, shaking his fingers as he spoke “don’t get me wrong, darling this have been a blast, but this does NOT make us pals. Call is self preservation, but playtime’s over, batsy.”   
  
Batman seemed quite unfazed by the barrel pointing right between his eyes as he came a little closer, his lips set in a stern line of determination as a purple, gloved finger wrapped around the trigger.    
  
“You are getting soft around the heartstrings, bats. That’s. Not. What. I. Want” With each pause, the Joker jabbed the gun against Batman’s forehead, pushing a little more forcefully with each jab.    
  
“Then what do you want, Joker?” the vigilante prompted.   
  
“I want you to give in.  _ I want you to kill me! _ Just like I am going to kill  _ you _ ” the dark expression flashing across the Joker’s face was such a sudden change in behavior that it gave Batman no time to react as Joker pulled the trigger. Bruce had been shot before and expected the familiar feeling of burning lead eating it’s way into his flesh, but the bullet missed him by barely a half inch with the gun so close that it left his ears ringing.    
  
Behind them he could hear a wet, gurgling sound as he looked over his shoulder he saw a damn SWAT operator fall to his knees with blood gushing from his throat. The man’s movements were cramped as he sagged to the ground while the Joker chuckled, patted Batman’s cheek before turning around to walk away.    
  
“Joker!” Bruce called out after the clown, but Joker only waved him off as he staggered down the balcony.    
  
“Save it, bats. I could have saved him yadayadayada. But if it wasn’t for your devilishly handsome maniac here, I would have batbrains all over my face”   
  
“Joker” Bruce was on the Joker within seconds, slamming him up against the wall, tearing a pained giggle from the maniac as he held him still. Their faces were so close they could taste each others breath and just as Bruce was about to open his mouth to speak, the Joker clamped his hand over Batman’s mouth.    
  
“I said save it, Batman!   
  
Bruce gave the Joker a look under his cracked lenses before smirking and running his tongue over the inside of Joker’s gloved hand, leaving the purple leather slick and wet with spit.    
  
“Hahahaha-You know, you’re a piece of work, bats” the Joker huffed, grabbing Bruce by the jaw with his good hand “but don’t think that kind of trick makes us even”.   
  
“No?” Bruce murmured softly, leaning in to place a kiss on the Joker’s fingers, remembering how every brush against the soft leather felt against his lips.    
  
“No” The Joker croaked breathlessly, his acid green eyes completely fixed on the vigilante’s lips brushing over his hand. It felt like time had frozen as the bat locked eyes with him, before pulling him close and capturing the clown in a bruising, rough kiss that left the clown weak at the knees and with a delightful taste of blood in his mouth.    
  
Batman dug his fingers into his arm, that made the kiss that so much more violent and delicious. The Joker craved the delicious bite of kevlar into his flesh with only the thin fabric of his suit separating them.  Craved the way their tongues and teeth clashed together in the filthiest manner the Joker could have fantasized about. It felt too good to be true.    
  
The Joker heard the crunch and pop before he felt the nauseating pain of Batman thrusting up and into him as he reset his shoulder. The clown screamed through his clenched teeth, breathing heavily through his nose as the bat held onto him to stop the joker from falling to the ground.    
He ran a kevlar covered hand over the clown’s green hair and planted a kiss on the Joker’s temple before whispering into the Joker’s ear.    
  
“Now we’re even”   
  
With a last kiss on the Joker’s read smeared lips, Batman let go, letting the clown fall to the ground in a pained fit of laughter as he started walking away.    
  
“HAHAHAHAHA! Bats, darling-”   
  
“Save it!” Batman smirked over his shoulder as he spread his cape and hopped off the balcony and sailed off into the Gotham night.    
  
  


 


End file.
